He was a virgin before he knows me

I have been together with my man for around 3 years. He was a virgin before he knows me and we used to have rather frequent sex. However, things changed for the past 1 year, ever since I’m back from my 6 months overseas exchange, we seldom does it (once a month). And the reasons he gave is that the urge is lesser as he grows older (and mind you he is just 22!)and that he is simply not as horny as the other guys. I am not sure if its true…

ANSWER

There are several possibilities.

Age 22 is prime sexuality age (typically with hormones raging and sex drive at a maximum) so «getting older» is not the cause of the problem.

  1. His testosterone level may have dropped suddenly due to some undiagnosed medical condition, or if he has started taking some medication, that could explain the sudden change in his libido. He can have his medical status checked by his physician. If a medical condition is diagnosed, he can begin treatment. If low libido is related to some prescription drug he is taking, then his physician may be able to change his prescription so drugs will not interfere with his libido to the same extent.
  2. Heavy recreational drug use can also seriously interfere with libido. If this is the cause, reducing the drug consumption should restore libido within a few days to two weeks. Drugs known to interfere with libido (reduce sexual desire) and sexual performance (e. g., interfere with getting and keeping erections) include heavy use of nicotine (cigarette smoking), THC (marijuana and hashish), alcohol, caffeine (coffee and tea), and combinations of these drugs can be the worst scenario.
  3. He may have lost interest in you, so you do not turn him on sexually any longer, indicating, the relationship could be near the end, unless you find out the reason and correct it. While you were gone he may have started to have sexual relations with other partners. Ask him directly about this possibility, and mutually agree on a desired course of action. While you were gone, you may have had other sexual partners and this may be bothering him with strong negative emotions, thus reducing his libido. If this is the case you must somehow reassure him so he feels again secure and that you really love him and sexually desire him, not someone else.  
  4. He may be suffering from sexual performance anxiety, particularly if you have had other sexual partners while away. If so, he could be afraid he will not be able to perform well (or as well as he might imagine your other lovers would perform, i. e., he compares himself with other lovers and feels inadequate), and this would shut down his libido. He may have concerns about being able to get and maintain an erection, and/or about his ability to last long enough before he ejaculates to satisfy you, and these fears can reduce libido drastically. Remedy: drop any goal of getting to orgasm and simply focus on giving and receiving pleasure. Let orgasm take care of itself.
  5. He may be masturbating excessively, including frequent ejaculation, and this would seriously inhibit his desire for sexual intercourse with a partner. Remedy: reduce or stop the masturbation, thus saving all sexual desire, energy and motivation for sex with a partner.

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